Parents, do you often feel like it’s been only a matter of days — or even hours — since the last outburst or argumentative moment erupted in your household? Does the task of parenting seem overwhelmingly stressful at times? Is your family finding it challenging to handle these pressures?
To gain insights on fostering resiliency in children, I reached out to four Canadian parenting specialists: Dr. Deborah MacNamara, a developmental psychologist, educator at the Neufeld Institute, and author of Rest, Play, Grow: Making Sense of Preschoolers (Or Anyone Who Acts Like One) (Aona Books, 2016); peaceful parenting coach Sarah Rosensweet; conscious parenting consultant Bridgett Miller; and Brian Russell, the provincial coordinator for Dad Central Ontario.
Resilience in Children
In addition to essential skills like reading, writing, and biking, children must also learn to manage life’s challenges. Bridgett Miller highlights that resilience is the key quality that allows kids to recover from setbacks in an obstacle-filled world. “As parents, we cannot reshape the world to fit our children’s desires, but we can assist them in adapting to the unchangeable,” she advises.
Valuing Emotions
Teaching children resilience requires embracing the full spectrum of their emotions. “When we provide a calming and loving environment,” explains Sarah Rosensweet, “children learn that feelings are manageable and that they can endure difficult situations.”
The Importance of Play
Deborah MacNamara states, “Play acts as a rehearsal for real life, allowing children to practice problem-solving without fear of negative outcomes while mastering necessary skills.” She emphasizes that play provides the freedom to discover, confront, and understand the outcomes of various actions.
Routines and Rest for Resilience
“If you have to wake your kids in the morning, they aren’t getting enough rest!” says Rosensweet.
As per MacNamara, rest is vital for both emotional and physical growth, making it “the most significant separation of the day for a young child, which can be particularly challenging.”
“In order for children to sleep well, they need nighttime routines that support relaxation. Emotional discussions, storytime, and establishing good habits can create a sense of connection before bed,” she adds.
Nourishment and Its Role
A balanced diet is essential for both parents and children for overall health and growth. Bridgett Miller mentions that nutritious meals play a significant role in children’s ability to cope. “Hungry children struggle with frustration more, leading to lesser patience and increasing undesirable behaviors,” she notes.
“Regular meals along with healthy, quick snacks are crucial to prevent children from experiencing ‘hanger’. Parents dealing with ‘power struggles and picky eating’ might consider a strategy where they decide what and when children eat, while children choose whether and how much to eat,” suggests Rosensweet.
Establishing Routines for Resilience
Miller emphasizes that “routines serve as a framework for the day’s activities. Children gain a sense of predictability about what follows, which minimizes the need for parents to constantly guide them, thus reducing daily frustrations associated with typical tasks like washing up or preparing for sleep.”
Setting Boundaries with Care
“For children to feel secure, they must perceive their parents as responsible for health, safety, and appropriate boundaries,” explains Rosensweet. “While we should remain flexible and consider children’s preferences, providing clear limits is essential. Without them, children may struggle to trust us during more significant life challenges, which can lead to anxiety or demanding behavior,” she cautions.
Understanding No
Brian Russell emphasizes, “Children thrive with consistent and firm boundaries accompanied by clear consequences. By yielding to their requests or complaints, we potentially signal that we cannot be trusted with larger responsibilities in their lives. Effective parenting is built on establishing this trust, allowing us to guide our children wisely.”
Helping Kids Manage Frustration
A Supportive Environment
Children must feel comfortable expressing their emotions at home rather than being forced to “toughen up.” Miller suggests that by fostering a warm atmosphere where children can freely express feelings and cry, parents facilitate the emotional processing needed to handle failures and mistakes effectively. Encouragement for imaginative play, artistic expression, and musical activities at home can support children in navigating their anxieties and worries.
The Importance of Relationships
Miller asserts that “the primary focus should consistently be on nurturing the bond we have with our children.” MacNamara adds, “Healthy relationships and compassionate hearts are fundamental to proper development.”
Top Five Tips from Parenting Experts
Sarah Rosensweet:
- Exhibit empathy consistently.
- Embrace all emotions.
- Take joy in your child’s presence.
- Prioritize daily one-on-one time, even if it’s just 15 minutes, with each child.
- Engage in playful roughhousing and laughter to enhance bonding and overall wellness.
Deborah MacNamara:
- Own the responsibility to maintain a good relationship with your child.
- Keep in mind that young children lack impulse regulation.
- Family traditions, rituals, and boundaries support relationships and buffer impulsivity.
- Allowing kids to process emotions leads to better outcomes.
- Play serves as an excellent medium for expressing and releasing intense emotions.
Bridgett Miller:
- Don’t take your child’s words or behavior personally.
- Welcome their tears as part of adaptation, not something to fear.
- Avoid teaching lessons when frustration is high.
- Be ready to comfort your upset child.
- Discuss what went wrong once they feel calmer.
Brian Russell:
- Stay attentive to your child’s developmental needs and respond appropriately.
- Engage actively in their interests and have fun together!
- Communicate clearly.
- Expose them to the broader world by sharing your experiences.
- Take care of your own wellbeing.
