Things to Truly Anticipate When Expecting
When my wife shared the pregnancy test results, I dove deep into research mode. I followed parenting blogs, searched every pregnancy-related term I stumbled upon, and compiled an extensive list of essentials to ensure our child remained content and healthy until adulthood.
However, nothing prepared me for the moment I first held my son.
He was a beautiful seven-pound bundle of joy. I swore I wouldn’t shed tears, but as soon as he grasped my finger with his tiny hand, I broke that vow.
The Impact of Dad Brain
It turns out my emotional reaction was not solely my fault; hormones were to blame.
My wife felt a maternal connection long before our baby arrived. For dads, however, the bond often starts to form at the first encounter with their child, as testosterone levels dip and prolactin, which promotes nurturing behaviors, increases dramatically.
Then oxytocin, often referred to as the “love hormone,” floods in as you engage and play with your newborn. Simply put, the more time you spend with your child, the more you start feeling like a father.
The Importance of Dads
Moms have a seemingly endless list of responsibilities right from the start, leaving many fathers feeling sidelined.
A significant number of new dads express feeling “useless” or “excluded,” particularly during feeding times. Still, most want to participate more in their child’s early life but often don’t know where to begin.
Fathers play a vital role in their child’s development, focusing on aspects like play, nutrition, exercise, and establishing routines, as advised by pediatricians.
Research highlights intriguing benefits of strong father-child bonds.
Excitement from Dads
Fathers are often the source of excitement, encouraging emotional regulation and responsible risk-taking in babies.
Unique Father Interactions
Dads communicate with their babies differently than moms, which enhances the child’s language skills and comprehension.
Fatherly Involvement
Active fathers tend to raise children with better problem-solving abilities and less aggression. Furthermore, dads who engage in parenting tend to enjoy better physical and mental health and may lead longer lives.
It’s not about being “as good as” the baby’s mother; rather, it’s about the singular connection you share with your child and the distinct contributions you can make to their happiness and growth.
As many contemporary fathers desire, I didn’t wish to be a mere “backup parent.” I aimed for an equal partnership in navigating both the challenges and joys that come with welcoming a new baby. If you share this sentiment, here are some ways to engage:
Believe in your capability. Research indicates that fathers can provide just as much comfort and nurture as mothers.
Communicate with your partner. Ask how you can support her emotionally and physically while expressing your desire to be actively involved.
Seek out information. I often found that healthcare professionals directed their advice primarily to my wife, the focal point of the baby’s life. If there’s anything specific you wish to know, don’t hesitate to advocate for yourself.
Adjusting to the New Routine
While I gained countless wonderful experiences the day I became a dad, I also faced a significant loss: sleep. Statistically, new parents lose an average of 44 days of sleep within the first year.
No matter my coffee intake, it didn’t change the fact that newborns have a sleep cycle of just 50 minutes—barely enough time for a quick nap or to prepare another bottle.
I had to devise effective strategies for managing this new reality.
Prioritize Sleep!
Catch sleep whenever the opportunity arises. Sneak in a nap during your lunch break or grab a little extra rest on the weekends. If you’re in charge of the baby, rest when they do—resist the urge to use that time productively.
Implement Shift Work
Consider splitting the night into two shifts with your partner: one of you takes care of the baby while the other rests. This way, only one parent needs to wake up when the baby needs something.
Stay Calm
Don’t be overly concerned about minor noises. Babies often experience “active sleep,” marked by movement and sounds. Springing out of bed at every tiny sound can rob both you and your baby of much-needed rest.
In addition to sleep, self-care is crucial. Engage in activities that help you feel strong, serene, and whole. For me, that meant hitting the gym. New parents tend to lead a sedentary lifestyle, but exercising can lessen stress and strengthen your immune system—benefits that will empower you as a new dad.
Community Matters
About 10% of new fathers may experience depression or anxiety in the first year. It’s a period of significant transition and support is essential.
“I felt overwhelmed when my daughter was born,” explains Daniel Lipton, founder of DadsTO, a support group for fathers in Toronto. “I lacked knowledge about childcare, made mistakes with diapering, and disrupted her naps. It was a lot to take on.”
Seek connections within your community and communicate with other fathers you respect. Learn from their experiences and ask for advice or encouragement. Regional and national support networks, such as those provided by the Men’s Educational Support Association or the Kids First Parent Association of Canada, are also valuable resources.
“There are numerous dads navigating similar challenges, and they’re eager to share stories and laugh about their experiences,” says Lipton.
Lastly, don’t shy away from accepting help. Many men hesitate, viewing it as a sign of weakness. However, those around you are excited to support you. Accepting help can enhance your well-being, allowing you to be more present and engaged with your baby.
Prepare for Surprises
Here are some insider tips that may not be found in the parenting manuals.
Practice Your Route
Conduct a practice run to the hospital ahead of time and consider potential traffic. When the contractions commence, your partner won’t appreciate you staring at your phone asking for directions.
Be Ready for Diaper Changes
Prepare the diapers and wipes before removing a dirty diaper. While it might be amusing the first time your baby manages to urinate on you, it’s less funny if it happens repeatedly.
Be Prepared
Bring extra diapers and baby clothes beyond what you think you’ll need. Trust me—you will require them. Additionally, pack an outfit for yourself in case of an unexpected ‘incident’!
Quick Reflexes Required
Be prepared to navigate through an overwhelming number of snaps and buttons on baby clothing while your little one wriggles away!
Embrace Offers of Help
If someone offers to babysit, always say yes—even if you don’t have plans. You never know when you might need the break.
Know a New or Expecting Dad?
Empower Him
Books are filled with valuable information. Since many target moms, encourage him to mentally substitute “parent” for “mother” wherever necessary.
Educate Him
Seeking prenatal classes can help both parents prepare, and hearing the questions from other fathers can provide comfort.
Connect Him
Help him build relationships with other fathers, which can provide necessary support.
Include Him
As he participates in preparing the nursery and has tasks to handle during delivery, he’ll feel involved and valued.
A New Family Dynamic
When breastfeeding, mothers often feel confined to an unending cycle of feedings. Dads can step in and provide much-needed support during mealtimes.
Establish a Feeding Area
Create a cozy nook for breastfeeding, equipped with supportive cushions, blankets, and enjoyable reading material (this article included!).
Start with Snacks
Don’t forget that mom has her own hunger needs to attend to while recovering from childbirth. Ask what snacks and drinks she enjoys and keep those at hand.
Provide Company
Everyone enjoys having company while eating. Spend time hanging out with her during meals.
Don’t Split Responsibilities
Whether it’s cleaning bottles or fetching supplies, take on the role of a helpful assistant in whatever she needs.
