It’s often said that a child’s upbringing requires a village. What if we rethought “village” as “community”? A nurturing community can instill a sense of belonging in children, aid their social and emotional development, and offer support throughout their growth journey. Moreover, cultivating such environments can enhance society as a whole. As guardians, it’s essential for us to assist children in discovering their communities and developing these vital relationships over time.
Cultivating Belonging
What role do community ties play in a child’s upbringing? According to Laura Henderson—mother, former educator, and licensed clinical counselor—these relationships are crucial for youth development. “A sense of belonging is essential; we aren’t meant to navigate life in isolation,” she emphasizes.
In her roles as a private practice counselor and school counselor in elementary settings, Henderson attests to the vital importance of community involvement. “Children epitomize the gains from community,” she notes. “It’s a joy to observe their growth, expanding their skills, knowledge, and experiences.”
Beyond fostering belonging and facilitating growth, an engaged and supportive community can supply young people with:
- trusted individuals to reach out to during difficulties
- access to diverse resources and a network that can lead to future opportunities
- positive representations of diversity, cultural variances, and new viewpoints
Reciprocal Giving in Community
Elaine Su, a multi-talented mother, educator-librarian, author, and equity strategist, emphasizes the importance of community. As a first-generation Chinese-Canadian, she recognizes that community is integral to her cultural background and parenting style.
“To truly care for something, you must first care about it. It’s crucial for our children to have concern for those around them, and equally, to be valued in return,” Su articulates.
Thus, community not only imparts the lesson that each child has significance; it also imparts that others do, too. “Community involves both receiving and giving,” Su highlights. “I want children to grasp that everyone has various roles in nurturing and maintaining their community.”
Effects of the Pandemic
Henderson observed that during peak pandemic times, many youngsters experienced distress due to limited social interactions. She reported increasing levels of anxiety, stress, and loneliness among children and teens—all corroborated by research.
Data from Canada’s early pandemic days revealed that 57% of teenagers aged 15 to 17 reported worsened mental health compared to pre-social distancing times. A 2022 multinational study also confirmed the pandemic’s adverse impact, intensifying issues like anxiety and depression while underscoring the importance of social connections in alleviating these challenges.
Fostering Community Engagement
Just as our social networks evolve with time, a child’s community will likewise adapt as they grow. The community of a four-year-old will differ significantly from that of a twelve-year-old.
For young children, their community might consist mainly of immediate family and caregivers like daycare educators. As they mature, their circle expands to include other regular figures in their lives, like neighbors and friends. Older children start forming community ties in educational settings, through extracurricular activities, and possibly in online platforms as well.
Henderson encourages parents to facilitate children’s positive interactions by modeling healthy relationships. “Children are observant and will mimic our behaviors, including how we engage with others in our community,” she states.
Parents can also teach effective communication skills to their children, such as active listening and articulating their needs.
Su shares an example demonstrating how even very young children can contribute to community building: “It’s the joy felt when you see a familiar dog at the park and the act of leaving a playful stick at their doorstep for them with a note. That in itself fosters community.” Such gestures empower children, teaching them agency and capacity.
Adapting to Each Child’s Needs
As caregivers, it’s crucial to recognize that every child possesses unique traits, leading to distinct community experiences. Henderson refers to a metaphor by psychologist Marsha Linehan, where individuals should not force themselves to conform. Instead, she suggests searching for the right environment that nurtures each child’s growth.
In this context, if a child seems to struggle with social interactions, it may be a sign that they haven’t discovered the ideal community for their development. For instance, while a child might find little joy in soccer, they could flourish in a chess club or a theatrical program.
“One major issue I encounter is parents directing their children toward connections that aren’t beneficial,” Henderson observes. “We ought to appreciate individual differences and pursue social engagements that resonate with our child’s style.”
While making connections is imperative, it’s equally crucial to ensure that the connections made are healthy. Parents must teach children how to establish appropriate boundaries. Here are some strategies from Henderson:
Empower Choice
Instill a sense of body and relationship autonomy from a young age—for instance, don’t compel them to embrace someone if they don’t want to.
Clarify Context
Provide explanations for behaviors such as why hitting or unwanted touching is unacceptable.
Acknowledge Feelings
Support children in trusting their emotions. Teach them how to articulate their feelings, even if those feelings are uncomfortable.
Model Behavior
Demonstrate how to express emotions and establish boundaries in your everyday interactions.
Discuss Limits
Explain the reasoning behind certain boundaries; for example, clarifying why it’s necessary to maintain personal hygiene.
Can literature serve to strengthen community bonds? Definitely, asserts teacher-librarian Elaine Su. She considers books as “affirming, validating, and even lifesaving.”
Citing the thoughts of esteemed literature academic Dr. Rudine Sims Bishop, Su explains that books can act as mirrors (reflecting our realities), windows (offering insight into various worlds), and sliding glass doors (providing opportunities for empathy and perspective-taking).
Su highlights the power of children’s literature that portrays diversity through joyous narratives. “Such stories shape the worldview of our children. In my opinion, they are one of the most enjoyable and effective means to dismantle harmful biases and societal norms we often unknowingly adopt,” she remarks.
Moreover, Su advocates that public libraries serve as invaluable community hubs, offering a secure space filled with diverse programs and resources for individuals of all ages.
Digital interactions can foster substantial relationships for young individuals—a child engrossed in a niche interest might find kindred spirits online. The priority lies in safety when engaging online. Parents can play a vital role by supervising, implementing guidelines, educating children about privacy and digital literacy, and using parental controls. Resources available at organizations like mediasmarts.ca and protectkidsonline.ca can provide assistance.
Does your child or teen feel isolated? Counselor Laura Henderson points out that it can be challenging to identify loneliness, as caregivers may not always be aware of their child’s feelings. Similarly, there’s a tendency to assume that quiet or reserved children are lonely when they may not be.
If a child does express feelings of loneliness, Henderson suggests listening and acknowledging their feelings without trying to dismiss them. Together, devise a realistic step-by-step plan. “Avoid promising them rapid results like finding a new friend overnight,” she warns. “Instead, frame your approach as a gradual process. Focus on establishing rapport with a classmate with shared interests, and build from there.”
