What makes a friendship truly special? The elements that contribute to a “good” friendship vary significantly, reflecting our diverse personalities and life experiences, whether it’s forming new bonds or nurturing existing ones.
Defining Good Friends
As per Jill Bodak, an osteopath and author of Loved Into Being (2022), friendship is rooted in authentic connections, whether through sage advice or hearty laughter.
Brooke Gordon, an executive coach and the founder of Best for Women, highlights that accountability and intentionality are crucial components, including the necessity of providing honest feedback, even if it’s uncomfortable.
Lyn-Marie Farley, founder and principal consultant of Narratives Coaching & Consulting, envisions a good friend as someone embodying “multi-dimensional love” that is nurturing, supportive, and grounded in trust.
For Seán Kinsella, nêhi(th/y)aw/otipemisiwak/Nakawé/Irish, and director of the Eighth Fire at Centennial College, the essence of being good friends lies in maintaining a “good relationship” with one another.
Busy Lives and Friendships
Amid hectic schedules, personal goals, and career pursuits, “the importance of friendships—a vital part of the support system that sustains us—often gets pushed aside,” notes Gordon.
Bodak emphasizes that time is essential in both new and established friendships, stating, “Creating space to connect consistently is vital for nurturing these bonds.”
Embracing Radical Acceptance
Kinsella expresses that “friendship involves radically accepting individuals for who they are, embracing their circumstances and loving them unconditionally.” Over time, vulnerability becomes essential. “A wise mentor once said it takes 1,000 cups of tea, coffee, or ‘Timmies’ to truly understand someone—a gradual journey,” they reflect.
Intentional Communication
Farley advocates for purposeful engagement in friendships. From spontaneous phone calls to thoughtful texts like “I’m thinking of you,” old-school posts and light-hearted voice messages, she emphasizes “listening more and speaking less, while celebrating both major and minor victories.”
Establishing Boundaries
Bodak highlights that “trustworthy friendships are built on clear guidelines, with distinct boundaries.” She explains that when the dynamics evolve, good friends respect and adapt to new expectations and requests.
The Evolution of Friendships
According to Gordon, “childhood friendships often seem effortless due to shared environments like classrooms and playgrounds, unlike adulthood where maintaining friendships can be challenging.”
Navigating Friendship Challenges
Every friendship experiences its ups and downs. According to Bodak, “Having the ability to recognize imperfections helps forge stronger friendships.” Difficulties may arise from physical separation, miscommunication, or natural oscillations in connection.
Fostering Accountability
Bodak observes that “friends are accountable to each other” and must endeavor to maintain contact during life’s fast pace or when one is facing challenges. Gordon adds that accountability also includes “offering apologies when necessary, facilitating constructive conflict, and collaboratively navigating misunderstandings.”
Cultural Perspectives on Friendship
Farley, who spent her formative years in Barbados, shares that the community-oriented nature of friendships there contrasts with the more individualistic approach in Canada, where her friendships tend to be more one-on-one.
Connections Across Genders
Kinsella notes the different expectations imposed on genders in patriarchal societies, where caregiving roles tend to be feminized. However, they believe that nurturing relationships is a shared responsibility across all genders.
Physical Aspects of Friendship
Bodak stresses that “the loneliness epidemic is real,” emphasizing the necessity of physical closeness, eye contact, playfulness, and shared interests—all contributing to better health and reduced illness risk.
Long-Distance Friendship
Digital communication tools can serve as valuable resources, as highlighted by Gordon. From email exchanges to group chats, technology helps maintain connections across distances. Kinsella adds that while virtual interactions cannot fully replace physical presence and intentionality, they facilitate keeping in touch when meeting face-to-face isn’t feasible, such as during the pandemic.
Modeling Friendships for Future Generations
Bodak conveys, “[I’m] continually mindful of the lessons my child absorbs from my actions.” She illustrates that exemplifying friendship teaches the value of caring relationships, signifying that joy and connection are vital for everyone, regardless of age.
Kinsella reflects, “At our essence, we are relational beings who require a spectrum of strong, meaningful connections.”
This article first appeared in the September 2024 issue of Thewindowsclubs magazine.
